Do you burn bridges behind you? I don’t. I hate confrontation. When it is time for a relationship to end, I generally go quietly without a fuss. If a relationship has been important to me, I may cry and grieve over the loss, but I don’t go away in a dramatic display causing me to never want to face that person again.
In particular, I think of a few friendships that have ended over the years. I had one friend, I use that term loosely, that I spent a lot of time with. We traveled together, ate a lot of dinners together, watched movies together, etc… But when I look back on the relationship, I was the one always calling her. She often cancelled on me. Then she stopped returning my calls. Was I being rejected? Yes. Because she didn’t like me? No. It turns out that this person is rather self-centered. She is there for me when it fits into her schedule.
Not too long ago she called to apologise for not having time for her friends for a couple of years due to problems in her relationship with her now ex-boyfriend. Then she launched into a litany of her current problems and asked for advice. This took about an hour. She asked how I was. But I wasn’t sure how to fit three or four very challenging years into one conversation. The day she called, things were good. I had called her from time to time when I needed a shoulder. She had neither picked up the phone, nor called back. When I needed the support, she wasn’t there. I don’t like to rehash problems. So, I didn’t rehash, I just told her I was having a good day and thanks for calling.
I haven’t heard from her since beyond a few facebook comments. Nor have I picked up the phone to call her. I don’t think I ever will again. I have learned who is actually there when I need to cry. Did I burn the bridge that connects me to her? No. But I have decided not to cross it again. Should I burn it and tell her I no longer want to have a “friendship?” I don’t think that’s necessary. I have cried my tears over what I thought I had with her. She can call me if she wants. Maybe I will pick up. I don’t know.