Yes. I am on another rant. I am coming to have strong feelings about the word “maybe.” The more maybes I encounter, the less I use that word myself. People like to hid behind it as a way of avoiding hurting or disappointing others. They use it as an excuse to avoid confrontation. How do I know? I’ve been guilty of it myself.
As I look back on my life, I realize that I’ve come to more disappointment by way of someone giving me a “maybe” as opposed to a “no.” When you tell me maybe, I have my hopes up that you will tell me yes. But more often than not, you simply don’t show up or follow through. If you had just said no in the first place, I would have gotten over my disappointment quickly and moved on. But you strung me along with your maybe.
This bothers me more than ever because you are often hurting my son’s feelings in the process. As a homeschooling mom to a seven year old, a lot of things I invite people to are for him. When four people tell me maybe they’ll be at the playground, I feel obligated to show up because I am the one who suggested it. At this point, Alex isn’t interested in playing there by himself. Neither is he particularly interested in playing with the preschoolers that are normally there. So, when you don’t turn your maybe into a concrete answer, we’re left with a fruitless trip and a disappointed kid. If you’d said no in the first place, I’d have found something else for us to do that would have been more fun than wondering if anyone was coming. Being left hanging is a far worse feeling than being told “no.”
Given that I can’t count on changing you, I think that I will change my attitude and reaction when receiving “Maybe” as an answer to an invitation.
- I will continue working on being a good example and stop using it as an answer. I want to give a concrete answer that means something.
- I will not be afraid to ask for a concrete answer. Don’t be surprised if I ask, “Does that mean yes or no? I don’t really want to be left hanging.”
- If I can’t get a concrete answer, I will assume you mean no. I am done showing up to things that need other people to make work and being the only one to show up. Don’t worry, I’ll probably let you know ahead that I won’t be there after all.
What about you? Does this word irritate you? How do you deal with “Maybe” as an answer?